Ask Agmac

What to do..what to do!

A close family member blatantly job networks (business cards and all) at important friend and family functions such as weddings, parties and even more intimate gatherings.
Feeling uncomfortable for my guests (who at times seem taken aback) I asked that she not do this.
I know times are tough but I believe these events are not the right places for this sort of behavior.
She believes people should seize any opportunity, at any time, to speak with and connect with the right people. We have discussed this at length and can’t seem to agree.
I have a big function coming up and am tempted not to invite her but know this will cause all kinds of family strife.
What to do....what to do?

Signed,
WTD
************

Dear WTD,

That's quite a pickle! On the one hand, you want to help your friends and family members out who are struggling right now, but on the other hand, you want to be a good hostess and make your guests feel comfortable.

Here's what I'd do, I'd invite her so as not to cause additional drama to an already touchy situation. But I'd ask that instead of job networking that she try to make social contacts with people she doesn't know by inviting them to be a Facebook or LinkedIn pal, but ask her to leave it at that.

If the person doesn't seem interested or change the subject, advise her to let the situation drop. But if they agree, she can tell them that she'll get their contact info from you later.

That way, the family member can follow up AFTER the party, and save the networking for the Internet!

This seems like a great compromise that she can't refuse.

Yours Truly,

Agmac

Ask Agmac Time!

Dear Agmac,

I am doing an AIDS ride (bike ride to raise money for AIDS research) from May 31 - June 6! And I need help thinking of fundraising ideas/events to raise money. I want to raise $3k minimum, but want to aim for $4k!

Signed, Marty Rivers

*******************
Dear Marty,

This brings back memories of The OC and all their wacky Chi Chi charity balls! I loved those!

But for us real folks who don't live in La La Land, but in the coolest borough in the world, Brooklyn, I have some ideas:

- Band Aid (with a donation at the door--see my post about Jaime's party for ideas)

- Stoop sale with all your friends donating stuff

- Some sort of "Bake Off" where you split the pot (something hipstery like mac n cheese or chilli)

- A singles auction OC style!! (your hot friends offer themselves up!)

- Clothing drive (again with a 'lil help from yo friends)

- Facebook drive (auction of something crazy like a week of wearing the winner's face on your shirt)
(Welcome to the BK, bitch!)

*Ask Agmac*

Dear Agmac,

I recently stayed at my friend's parent's house for the weekend house party. They were gracious hosts and made sure I was comfortable and well fed. If I gave them a bottle of wine and flowers as a thank you gift, do I still need to send a thank you card when i get back? What is the proper protocol when it comes to thank you cards?

Thanks, House Party Guest
*****************************

Dear House Party Guest,

You seem very gracious, so cheers to you for that.

However, you don't want to seem desperate-to-please or overly gracious, so one thank you gift is definitely enough! Thank you cards are generally reserved for when one gets gifts or something thrown in their honor.

Protocol for house guest hospitality is definitely a nice gift of vino or flowers/plant.

The only time you'd want to do an extra thank you after the fact is if the host/hostess went above and beyond the call of duty and gave you a very special time. In which case, you can reference it in your thank you note.

Best,

Agmac

*Ask Agmac*

Dear Agmac:

My friend's apartment is too small to throw a party in, so I've offered to let her use mine. What is the normal division of labor in terms of party preparation for these kind of arrangements? I pretty sure it would be rude not to offer to help out, but I also don't want her to feel like I'm trying to horn in on her party.

-Ghost Host
****************************

Dear Ghost Host,

Do you happen to be a New Yorker? Because that's a great question for anyone living in a great city with tiny living spaces.

That said, since this person is the one hosting the party, all responsibility goes to him/her for the refreshments, beverages and clean-up. They are also financially responsible for said arrangements.

The only thing you are responsible for is making sure there is toliet paper in the bathroom and maybe cleaning up a bit beforehand.

However, if you want to help in decorating or thinking of fun additions to the party, I'm sure your suggestions and help would be much appreciated.

Hopefully he/she will reward you with a thank you gift. That'd be the right thing to do.

Signed,

Agmac

*Ask Agmac* is back!!

Dear Agmac,

What’s the appropriate protocol for taking back a bottle of booze or alcohol that you have brought to a party? Let’s say that it was never opened, is it OK to take it back with you?

Signed,
Bo
**********

Dear Bo,

The general rule of thumb is if you brought it, you leave it. However, there are some exceptions to this rule:
#1, if you brought it but never took it out of your bag, thus never presenting it to the host, then it's ok to take it back,
#2, if the host has such a surplus that he/she ASKS you to take it back,
#3, if you and the host/hostess get in a major fight and it seems as if you will never speak to them again.

However, if you brought said alcohol as a gift or even just to share at the party, and none of the above rules apply to you, leave it there cheapskate!

Signed,

agmac

ASK AGMAC's first question!

Dear Agmac,

I am an avid reader. Per your suggestion, I never go to a party empty handed. Typically, I bring a bottle of wine for the host. What do I bring if the host has a known "problem with alcohol?"

Signed, Confused

************
Dear Confused,

What a great question!

What to bring depends entirely on what kind of party it is. For instance, if it's a housewarming party or an anniversary or holiday celebration, I find that a beautiful bouquet of fresh cut flowers is the way to go for a man or woman.

A fresh cut bouquet adds beauty to any party and the host will much appreciate the gesture.

If it's a birthday party, I suggest a box of cupcakes from a specialty bakery. Cupcakes make people smile. My favorites come from Crumbs.

Hope that helps!

Signed,

Agmac, hostess with the mostest

New Addition to the Site!!

Hello fellow party people,

I will have a new Monday regular post called "Ask Agmac." This is your chance to ask all those party, gift giving, and social etiquette questions that burn your soul.

My awesome friend Pete made a link (see picture to the right) that you can click on and email me with questions!

I'll choose one each Monday and answer it in the blog.

You're welcome.

agmac